It's Friday night and most girls my age are deciding what their next drink is or what to watch next on Netflix. I am sitting here deciding if I want to lose my boobs. The appointment with the surgeon went well yesterday. She took her time explaining how the lumpectomy procedure would go from start to finish. I asked some questions, my main concern is the biggest variable - chemo. It is such a scary word, maybe even more scary then cancer. Chemo would impact my chances for a baby down the road. No kids for me yet, but hope to someday. So that is the hardest part for me right now with the lumpectomy. I won't know if chemo is needed until they test the tumor cells & my lymph nodes.
Dr. B set me up to meet with a plastic surgeon on Monday to get the full scoop on the mastectomy and reconstruction. She understands that this is not just a medical decision but an emotional one as well. She also wants me to have all the information to make the best educated decision for me.
My mind is spinning with all this information. The decision to move from PA to CO wasn't too bad because I know I can always go back. When I thought about future life decisions it was more wedding dates and baby names. I never saw this coming and knowing I have to make this choice has made the cancer finally feel real.
The nights are still hard for me. Not sleeping a ton and with the 2 hour time difference to the East Coast, some nights can feel pretty lonely. By no means am I alone in this fight. The love and support from everyone has been absolutely amazing and I am not trying to down play that. Just being honest. This is my place to do that so thanks for bearing with me.
 |
| Image via { here } |
No comments:
Post a Comment