Curveball

My BS called yesterday afternoon.  I was hoping she got the test results from my lymph nodes back early.  But instead she said she had a curveball for me.  The hospital does a breast conference every few weeks and the entire team reviews the cases.  After discussing mine, mostly because of my age, they want to do some additional testing on more lymph nodes.  

During surgery last week, they removed two lymph nodes to be tested for cancer cells.  Of those two, one came back positive.  My doctor wants to be absolutely sure there is no cancer cells in any more lymph nodes.  

She gave me two options, 7 weeks of radiation or another surgery to remove 10 more lymph nodes to be tested.  I knew right away it was surgery for me.  They will go back in through the original incision under my arm and remove more.  This will happen in less then 2 weeks.  I am already in recovery mode so it was a no brainer for me.  This will be an outpatient procedure so I will be back in my bed that night.  Should be a piece of cake after last week.  

So now I am just waiting on the other test results to see about chemo.  Fingers crossed!

There is no place like home

After feeling crappy most of the day on Thursday, I was happy to come home on Friday.  We got back to my apartment around lunch time.  The first task was figuring out how I was most comfortable.  A stack of pillows in bed did the trick.  There are 4 behind me and one under each arm.  Every once in a while we fluff them back up and it has been working great.  The Twin ran to the store to get some things while Mom set up my side table with everything I would need.  I took a nap and then it was time to empty the drains.  These bad boys deserve a post all to themselves.  (coming later this week).  

Snap from the Twin

The Twin was leaving on Saturday so we just had a super low key rest of the day.  They ran out to pick up dinner and then we watched TV and I faded in and out of sleep.  The Twin slept in my bed that night which was nice.  If I woke up, she woke up and right away wanted to know what she could do.  One of the biggest challenges is just reaching.  I say I have T-Rex arms.  Trying to fix  pillow being me is tough. Sitting up and getting out of bed without pushing off your hands is harder then you think.  Go ahead, try it.  Thank goodness for those core classes at the gym!  

Sat morning with my dream team!

Saturday morning we got up and had eggs.  I have to eat every time I take the pain meds or I get nauseous.  Surprise, more lounging around until it was time for them to head to airport.  Mom dropped her off and it was my first real test being alone.  Not gonna lie, I only got out of bed for the bathroom.  I know pretty boring.  This is my first major surgery and I can't believe how tired I am all the time.  Naps are my friend.

Love her "deerly"

Sunday, 4 days post op,  I decided I wanted to get out.  I needed to exchange a pair of pjs because I only had one pair that buttoned.  Mom and I went to Victoria's Secret.  They have the best pjs and the only button down ones I could find that don't look like they are for my 88 year old grandma.  We were in out of there quickly.  Next was Whole Foods to pick up lunch. I love their kale and brussle sprout salad.  But it was Sunday and we waited in live for what felt like forever.  I started to get light headed and knew I overdid it.  Oh well, wasn't going to know until I tired.  I came home, ate and went right to sleep.  

Finally some real clothes! (don't mind the mess)

Our big trip on Monday was only down to the mail room.  We did get a visit from my dad's cousin and her husband.  They had been out here to see their daughter, who is in grad school.  They stayed a while but was nice of them to stop by.  It was National Pankcake Day so that made the dinner choice easy for me.  I hadn't really been hungry but needed to be eating.  Mom makes great pancakes.  They were light and fluffy and not heavy in my belly.  We watched the movie The Other Sister.  I love with the ladies screw the guy :)

Car pillow, a gift from the hospital.  

I had an appointment on Tuesday to see the photos I had done before surgery.  More to come on this too, but here is a sneak peak.  Then my friends came over for a pizza dinner.  We had a great night.  I'm so happy they came over.  I'm lucky to have found such great people here.  

Great visit with the girls!

On tap for tomorrow is follow ups with both surgeons.  I am really hoping to lose some of these drains tomorrow.  We will see, fingers crossed!

Sneak Peek!

Under Construction

Wow!  I had no idea what having a major surgery takes out of you.  I had my double mastectomy on Wednesday and all I want to do is sleep.  I know you have missed me so here is a rundown of the hospital stay.

The before art by my PS

Mom and the Twin got here on Tuesday.  Mom landed about 1:30.  I picked her up and brought her back to the apartment.  I finished up my work and we headed to the grocery store to get some snacks and things for the week.  The Twin landed about 7 but had to wait forever for a gate.  Once we were all together we stopped on the way home for dinner at this new place by my house.  The Twin goes to far more happy hours then I do and the evening HH started at 9pm.  She said the $3 wine was a great price.  So we all toasted my boobies on last time and headed home to get some sleep.

Cheers to the boobies!

I had to check in at the hospital at 7:30am.  It wasn't too bad since the hospital is only 13 min down the road.  After stopping at the main check in, we went to the surgical waiting area.  Suzy came and took me back for prep while Mom and the Twin stayed in the waiting room.  Because I was having mastectomies + implants (hopefully) I had to do a nose to toes prep.  This meant swabbing my nose with this gooey stuff, rinsing my mouth with something else and then wiping down my entire body with these big baby wipe like cloths.  It is all to help prevent infection.  Once this was done and she got my IV in, Suzy let Mom and Twin come back to sit with me.  We had a little down time before I had to take a ride to the breast center to have radio active fluid injected in my boob.  They do this right behind the nipple.  It helps the surgeon locate the right lymph nodes to remove during surgery.  After a quick visit from each surgeon and a call to Dad back in PA, it was go time!  

My dream team

The Twin was Snapchatting 

I remember rolling into the OR and then waking up in recovery.   I asked the nurse right away if I had boobs.  She said yes, they were able to put the implants in.  The Plastic Surgeon (PS) stopped at the end of the bed and said I did great.  I hope so, all I had to do was lay there!  The procedure took all of 5 hours.  The PS did tell Mom that I would need a second surgery.  This would be a fat grafting procedure to help fill out my boobs and make them look more natural.  He also said I need to gain a few lbs to do this.  WHAT?  For the first time in my life, I was too skinny for something.  UGH!  

Added a little BCA bling to my hospital arm party.

I got up to my room about 6:30pm.  The nurses were so amazing during my stay.  A gym friend stopped by for a visit and another gym friend was working on a different floor and she stopped by also.  I was so sleepy that I could barely keep my eyes open.  Mom and the Twin left about 8.  I tired to sleep but every time my heart rate dropped below 50 the machine would beep.  So annoying.  After a few round of this, I hit the call button.  The nurse couldn't figure it out.  So this went on and on until 3:30 am when they figured out how to reset the machine to accommodate my lower resting heart rate.  I was finally able to fall asleep and they woke me up at 5:30 to empty my drains.  Back up again at 7:30 for the shift change.  

Hospital selfie

I was even more exhausted on Thursday.  And I also felt so nauseous.  They gave me some meds for that and I tried to sleep it off.  I wasn't able to eat anything until about 4 pm when I got some soup.   The 3 of us ordered room service and watched Greys.  I did eat a good bit of dinner, but we decided it was best if I stayed one more night.  Since I was able to eat, I switched to a pain pill from the liquid, which also meant bye bye to the beeping machines!  I slept so much better on night #2.  I woke up Friday morning and the team had the ball rolling to get me home!  I saw a whole bunch of people, got some goodies and instructions and was ready to go by the time Mom and the Twin arrived.  

Time to go home!

More to come on the first few days at home, but it's time for a nap :)

Family members wearing pink to support me all the way in PA :)

A little bit of fairytale

Yesterday I had the most amazing day!  It started with a good workout at the gym and then some cleaning to get ready for Wednesday. My apartment is tiny, so I had to move some things around to make room for the air mattress for Mom and Twin.  At least 2 nights they can split the bed or one can be on the couch.  Good thing they love me!

A group of friends and I were heading to a black tie gala!  I had been to a black tie wedding before but never a gala type event.  Several friends are involved in an Rocky Mountain Active, a group of woman that raise money for under privileged children right here in Denver.  And Lindsey was in charge of planning the event! 

The real fun started when I picked up a friend and we headed to Nordstroms to get our makeup done. The girl that did mine was so nice and she took her time and explained everything she was doing.  I don't wear makeup much and when I do it is minimal.  This was a nice treat.

I don't take the best selfies

Next up was the Drybar.  There is just something about someone else washing your hair and then making it look nice.  If I ever win the lottery, I would have someone do my hair a few times a week. Haha. Plus the products at the Drybar smell amazing - bonus!  We had some bubbles while they made us beautiful.  I may have to start practicing, I don't think I am winning the lottery any time soon.  I won the cancer lottery - Oh Boy!

Bubbles & water - not our first rodeo

All done :)

I really did feel like Cinderella all dressed up for the ball.  My dress was from Rent the Runway and I love it.  I don't want to send it back at all.  It may be the most beautiful dress I have ever worn.  And the pockets were perfection!  

We got dressed at a friends house, had a quick drink and then headed to get some dinner before the event.  We were on the 36th floor of a downtown hotel, looking at the mountains.  No pics of the view, it was hard with sun and glare from glass :(  

The rest of the night was so much fun.  We danced the night away!  This was excatly what I needed going into this week.  

Almost there

This was my last full week of work before surgery day.  I am really doing my best to get things wrapped up and in a good place before I leave.  I am not quite sure how long I will be out and I don't want to leave too much for anyone else to do.  I am going to do my best not to worry about work while I am recovering.  This coming from a girl that typically checks email while on vacation.  My team has been great and I know they don't mind, but still.

I had pre-op appointments with both the plastic surgeon and the breast surgeon this week.  Both went over their parts of the procedure.  The PS is going to do his best to do "direct to implant" so that I would not need a second surgery.  He won't know until he gets in there and checks the blood flow in the skin.  If he can't then I will need tissue expanders.  This is a process where they put water balloon like expanders under your skin and slowly stretch the skin.  It will need to sit six weeks once the skin gets to where it needs to be before they can put in the permanent implants.  That could take 3 - 4 months total.  So I am hoping my skin cooperates and I wake up with boobs!  Either way I will need to have drains in for 2 - 4 weeks.  Not crazy about that, but it's just part of the procedure.  He saod he would do his very best to make me look as much like "me" as he can.  

The awesome zipper bra I get to wear after!

The BS went through a bunch of the same things.  What it will be like on surgery day, why I need to be there so early and all that good stuff.  She did let me know that she thinks they will be able to save my nipples.  This made me happy.  Just a little bit more of me I get to keep.  I know it may sound silly.  I never gave much thought to my nipples until all this.  She will also take out 2 lymph nodes and send those off for testing to see if the cancer has spread.  These results will determine if I need chemo or not.  I will meet with the medical oncologist about 2 weeks after surgery.  She also said I will spend 2 nights in the hospital.  The first 24 hours are the worst, she says, so the extra night at the hospital gets you through that.

I have a few more things to get done this weekend before my Mom and twin come on Tuesday.  It's a shitty reason that they have to come but I am happy they will be here for me and for each other.  I probably should test out the air mattress :) 

The black tie gala is tomorrow and I am super excited.  My Rent the Runway dress came and I am in love.  Can't wait to show you pictures.  

Happy Friday!

Hello...from the other side (of the country)

I I got back last night from my trip back to PA to see family and friends before the surgery.  I am glad I was able to go and visit.  As always, there was too much to do and not enough time.  Here is a recap of all the fun!

So hard to get them to both look at the same time.

I flew in on Wednesday night just in time for leftovers (pepper steak, one of my favorites) and Real Housewives New York Reunion.  Remember, this is a no judgement zone.  Thursday morning I got up and walked my nephew to school.  He was super excited to see me.  I was off work on Thursday so then I drove down to the beach for the day.  While it was nice to have my feet in the sand and listen to the waves, it was not nice to have the green head flies chewing up my feet!  I only last 2 hours but it was better then nothing.  I met up with a good friend for a while and then headed to Atlantic City for the prelims of the Miss America pageant.  It always falls the week of my mom's birthday and we are able to get free tickets.  Mom, 2 aunts and a cousin all came down. 

He is growing up so fast. 

Friday night was the Adele concert.  It was AMAZING!  So glad that I was able to get the tickets back in December and that I was able to go with my mom.  We were up in the nose bleeds but it didn't matter where you were sitting, it was that good.  She may be one of the only artists that sounds better in person then on her album or radio.  My iPhone video doesn't do justice at all!

Saturday I spent the morning with my nephews again.  Then went to hang out with my aunt.  She just finished up her 7 weeks of treatment for throat cancer.  We are very close.  Crazy that we were diagnosed pretty much at the same time and tough that we are 1700 miles apart while we go through this. She has been such a warrior throughout her journey.  Stopped by to see a friend, her new house and her even newer baby!  Little Addie was sleeping most of the time, but I did get to feed her.  I love when they are so small they fit right in your lap.  Finished off the night with birthday dinner for Mom and her sister.  They are 1 year and 2 days apart.  Had my first slice of pumpkin pie of the season and it did not disappoint.  Have you had pumpkin pie from Costco?  It may be the best ever. 

Of course she has on pink :)

I spent Sunday with my cousin.  I saw his new house, we went shopping, back for another visit to my aunt.  He got us matching bracelets that are made by monks and will give us protection.  We had big family spaghetti dinner and then cake and ice cream for the September birthdays.  I am from a big family so we always do cake and ice cream.  It was great to see most of the family in one shot. 

Pillows quilted for me by another aunt. 

All in all it was just what I needed.

Airport selfie.  I need to work on these.  

Enough

I'm not sure where I found this and I don't know who wrote it. Wasn't me, but I read this from time to time. It's a reminder that will never get old. One that was valid before all this and somewhat even more important now.  Thought I would share it.  

You are enough.

Today, tomorrow, and every day thereafter.

You are perfectly adequate, without needing to change a single thing about yourself.

This doesn’t mean that you aren’t allowed to want to grow, evolve or improve.

It doesn’t mean you don’t have flaws.

It means you are worthy of love.

It means that you deserve to love yourself in spite of your imperfections. 

No matter who you are, where you’re from, or what you have been through, you are deserving of love. 

Be kind to yourself.

You are only human. 

Forgive and let live. 

Let in the love. 

Playing the waiting game

So as you can imagine, the surgery getting pushed back 20 days is driving me nuts.  I just want to get it over with.  Waiting is for the birds.  I have been making lists and will really start prepping next week.

I had a nice 3 day weekend.  Watched some college football, saw a Boys 2 Men concert, had some cocktails, went to a pool party and finished it up with an all day happy hour.  Oh and I spent the actual Labor day doing nothing :)  Ok well I did do laundry but that is it.  The joy of living alone!

Only photo from the weekend.  Whoops!

Tomorrow I get to go back to PA for a long weekend. (Fun fact: only people from Pennsylvania say P A, the letters, as their state.  I haven't found any other state where people do that)  That's the silver lining of the surgery date being moved.  I will get to see my family.  I haven't seen any of them since the diagnosis.  I am looking forward to it.  My nephew started Kindergarten today so I am sure he will have lots to tell me.  He sent a video telling me how excited he was to see me.  Can't wait to squeeze him!

First day photo

At Christmas I got my mom tickets to see Adele.  That is Friday night so now that I will be home I get to go!  I am sure my dad is relieved that he doesn't have to go.  I don't think I have ever been to a concert with my mom so that should be fun.  I have heard great things about her concert. 

#truth

I am sure I will figure out some other things to do.  My best bud just had a baby - I mean like a week ago and is in a new house so want to try and see them.  Also want to try and maybe see the beach and pick crabs along the way.

More to come!

PS - I added some new pictures to the post about the gym fundraiser.  Check it out {here}